I feel like I'm on the spin cycle inside my washing machine. Do you ever feel like that? Everything seems just a bit thrown off and I'm trying to catch up, but the world (and my brain) won't stop whirling around.
Remember last week I wrote how I found a place of contentment; secure in where I am, who I am and what I do? After getting to the land of Peace and Calm, delighting in my domestic routine and knocking out my goals for this month I became delightfully inundated with auditions! It was confirmation to me that not getting one of the jobs I had hoped for, or the role I wanted in "Grease" which I had recently auditioned for, was a blessing. I wouldn't be able to audition freely had my schedule been packed with the things I sought to fill my needs and desires. Yet now, amongst callbacks and fittings -and gross weather, I'm all a whirl.
Last June, you may recall I made a goal of conquering 100 Miles a Month. By the 28th I had "run my race," as it were, and allowed myself the reward of getting some new fitness gear to celebrate my triumph. This January I decided to set the same goal, and it's been going great!....Until now. The weather has hit a cold spell -yeah, like I really can complain when my northern friends and family are facing temperatures in the negative degrees- and I'm worried about taking Wilder out in the cold for our long runs. The man refuses to wear a hat. It used to work making sure his mitten were on, but he's figured out how to yank the hat off regardless of the mitten situation. My saving grace is the weather guard that fits over the stroller (thank you, Brian.) It keeps the wind out and makes a relatively toasty bubble for him, but it is difficult to get to Wilder if he needs something or has, yet again, yanked his hat off or kicked his blanket back. I have 23 miles to go by Saturday and at least two of the days this week are so full, I probably won't be able to get out to knock off any more miles. So what should I do?
I can't call it quits! I've come this far -77 miles down this month, 23 to go. Twenty-three. Why does that look so daunting now? In the first week I conquered 30. This should be a piece of cake, compared to that. But today the weather is damp, gross and cold and tomorrow there's a high of 40 -and rain, rain, rain. This is where I begin lamenting my wasted days earlier this month, days I could have gone on a run, but decided I needed a break -and don't get me wrong, breaks are good and necessary! But had I known then what I know now, I'd have at least gone down to the mailbox and back (nearly 2 miles) to save the misery of this week's daunting weather situation and running demands.
Wednesday I have an all day photo shoot (hooray!) for Enspire Learning. I had a callback this morning (from something I auditioned for on Thursday) and a fitting for Wednesday's gig right after. On the road for nearly 1 1/2 hours I got in touch with the wonderous blessing of not having to fight traffic everyday like many folks. This Sunday's sermon was on negative stress and how we can work on limiting and eliminating it. Traffic tension was mentioned and the message ran over and over in my brain as I went an average of 20 mph all the way into Austin. I don't know how people do it. I kept thinking how I had a babysitter just so I could wait in this ridiculous traffic!! I mean, I wasn't DOING anything, was I? I was just sitting there, crawling along. The opening scene from "Office Space" came to mind as Peter waits bumper to bumper in morning traffic and an ancient man with a walker goes faster down the sidewalk. De--pressing. I feel for you, dear folks, I really do. I'm sure if I had to do it all the time I'd figure out a way to make it pleasant, but I, of course, was running late and as each minute ticked away my anxiety grew. Deep breathes, deep breathes, it's fine now. I am no longer behind the wheel in a big city, but leisurely standing in my kitchen in comfy clothes in a quiet house while my little angel sleeps. What a lovely place to be!
Back to the 100 Miles A Month goal. So my point is, I am not sure I can accomplish the goal without compromising my child's health. This is very disappointing to me. Wilder recently got over a sniffly nose. He won't keep his hat on (hm...I think Walmart still has a few that velcro under the chin, but he may still pull it off.) It's cold for the rest of month. AND I'll feel like a big, fat loser if I don't pull off these last miles before Feb.1st. I have thought about getting a sitter so I can go run and get all wet and cold by myself, but is that a little over the top? See, here's where I'm struggling. How important is it for me to finish the goal, and at what cost? Plus, who really wants to run in the rain...honestly.
But I am reminded of the Apostle Paul and his words of encouragement to run the race as if to win it, not just to finish. That verse helped me run 1/2 mile longer (uphill) the other day and I truly felt like "more than a conqueror." Now, I realize this scripture was meant as a metaphor for the spiritual life, but physical discipline fosters spiritual discipline. By pushing my limits (a-hem, running in the rain, Kelly) physically and sticking it out to be victorious in my goal, I will be strengthened all around -mentally, physically and spiritually. Embracing the "I Can Do It!" attitude is beneficial in all areas of life. But, as many of my loved ones know, I can push it. But that's mainly, "I can do it -all by myself, thank you very much!" Here I believe there is a bit of a difference from my running dilemma.
As I hash out the roadblocks to running, or at least finishing my goal for this month, I realize that the only real concern is keeping Wilder warm. I think I can do that. If not, we'll just turn around and run back. Yes, it's a bit inconvenient with the big, plastic bubble between he and I, but the gross weather will help me run faster and more often (instead of walking) and when we get home and take a shower, that warm water will feel even more heavenly than usual. So will my couch!
Thank you, Dear Readers, for helping my resolve. Also, if something beyond my control occurs and I am unable to reach my 100 miles by the end of Saturday, I won't feel like a failure. Sometimes we have to lose in order for a helpful truth to be revealed -like winning isn't everything. I may not make this goal, but I'm not a failure. And it will teach me a valuable lesson -take advantage of each day, for you don't know what lies ahead.