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Wednesday, August 20, 2014

You don't want to read this. Fair warning.

So, I hugged a stranger yesterday.  That's not what I had in mind to write about, but it happened.  It was awkward and funny.  Someone I thought I knew, greeted enthusiastically, went in for a big hug and "So, how ARE you?!" and realized within 30 seconds... I've never met this person before.
I got her business card, though, and she seemed to dig the overwhelmingly friendly connection.
She's from out-of-state, so: Welcome to Texas, Sister.
We're huggers.

This... well, this is a majorly "TMI" post -you probably don't want to read it, just a warning.  It's about labor dreams.  But it's just too odd not to write about.

Feel free to exit through the gift shop now.  No purchase necessary.

I can't specifically recall having labor dreams with the other two kids, but the only dreams I've had regarding labor with this little person have had a very common theme.  Nothing that scary, thank heavens, but just weird.  You'd think I'd never given birth before.

The first dream, I was laying in bed in the middle of the night.  I woke up (in my dream, mind you) and my water broke.  Along with the gush of amniotic fluid, a grey, spongey matter expelled.  The thing looked like a loofa.  A grey loofa, but softer.  And -in my dream- it was COMPLETELY NORMAL.  Within a minute, the baby just slipped out.  The beautiful, gorgeous, healthy baby.  I turned to my sleeping husband and said, "Hey, Brian!  The baby's here!"

When I recounted it to him, he said, "That's the kind of home birth experience I'm after.  I'll just sleep through it."

Not.  Gonna.  Happen.

So last night, another labor dream.
It was daytime.  I was using the downstairs toilet in our home when my water broke.  And then... (seriously, where is this coming from?!) all of this spongey matter and (soggy) papery products started coming out of my body.  It looked like 10 lbs. of excess...um...excess(??) emptied out of me.  And my thought was, "Oh, huh!  I had no idea I had 3 rolls of toilet paper, etc. stuck inside of me!  I feel so much lighter now!"

(What is WRONG WITH ME?!)

Then I started to freak out a bit.  I was only 33 weeks pregnant and my water broke.  What do I do now? I didn't want to go to the hospital, but it seemed logical.  Thank heavens I woke up before I had to hop in the car and make the drive.

Ladies and gentlemen, I warned you.  It was certainly too much information.
But now I will have a record of my insanity for years to come.

Oh, thank you, Dear Internet.

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