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Monday, March 28, 2011

Allowing Yourself

A very dear friend of mine shared that she had just learned to allow herself to grieve, or perhaps feel would be a better term.  There were several traumatic events that she had plowed through with a stiff upper lip, chin poised upward, doggy paddling through the flood of emotions in order to cope and cross to the other side.  Never had she allowed herself to look at the situation, acknowledge and release her feelings, and then move forward.  It was always about moving on.

My philosophy: When crap happens, you deal with it.  In my case, dealing with it meant you stuffed it below the surface and got on with life.  The proverbial baggage of unresolved issues and emotions build up until you collapse under the weight of them, often coping in not so very healthy ways.

It's okay to feel sad, mad, disappointed, frustrated, hurt, deflated, dashed, shattered, empty, etc.  It's also okay to rejoice, celebrate, do victory dances, laugh 'til your sore, and share contagious smiles.  When we deprive ourselves of these emotional recognitions and releases before we "move on" we're robbing ourselves of life, as well as piling on unresolved issues.  Societies and religions marks special days for celebration and remembrance.  It's important stuff, people!  We're meant to acknowledge and release emotion, just as much as we're meant to keep progressing.  

I don't want to suck it up, ignore the pain, settle down and stop being so happy, and so on.  I'm going to allow myself to acknowledge and release, then move forward.  There's a flip side, though, that I'm not advocating in my life: getting stuck in emotions.  We are not victims of life, we are victors.  I will not let my feelings run my life or hold me hostage, keeping me from growth.  As Brian says, "You learn, you move on."  But as I am now injecting to that philosophy, "You learn, you deal, you move on."

Today I am going to grab a few minutes, acknowledge my situation, feel, release, then onward-ho in a positive and constructive direction.
This life stuff is full of learning material, ain't it?

Thank you, to my dear friend who shared her growth so that I can benefit and live richer because of her courage to share.

1 comment:

I AM JOE PESCI said...

What a beautiful lesson to learn!

Along the same idea . . . sometimes I don't want to see the silver lining, sometimes situations/events/life just really sucks. And so lately, I've been acknowledging it so. When something really crappy happens to me or someone I know, I like to express that yes, that really really sucks and leave it at that. Acknowledge it for what it is - a big fat pile of suck. Doesn't mean you have to wallow in it. But it's okay to identify it without all the silver lining crap.

So to tie it in with what you wrote . . . it's okay to feel! It's okay to celebrate the good! And it's okay to acknowledge the bad. Yes, keep movin' forward.

(seriously hoping this all made sense!)


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