It's My Party, So What's There to Cry About?

Today I turn 29 at 5:10pm. I arrived just in time for dinner. As I have been thinking about how I wanted to celebrate and what is important to me I discovered several things which I believe will make this birthday special and different.

My sister taught me a lot this past month and I'm continuing to process things she's said and the example she gave. On her birthday exactly a week ago (we're 1 year and 1 week apart -Mom, how ever did you manage?!) I asked her if she wanted to cry on her birthdays -I always did since I became an adult. It's not crying about getting older, but I couldn't pin down what upset and depressed me about it. She said that every other birthday, except this one, she felt that way. What made this year different? She said that over the past few months as she was really learning her true self-worth in God and gaining the confidence she should have as His child, she discovered that as her 30th birthday dawned she didn't get that dual feeling of unworthiness of such a celebration and believing others couldn't show how much they really valued her. She knew she was worth a celebration and it didn't take a grandiose party with a pony ride and fireworks to enhance or diminish who she was or the joy of the day. It resonated in my spirit. (Here's her first hand account of her special day and her philosophy.)

Today Brian unfortunately has a 24 hour shift at work and all of my friends are out of commission (due to children -newly arrived, on their way, or on vacation) so my celebration is going to be with my little man -and the little dumpling "baking" in my oven. Yesterday, at 9 weeks and 3 days, I had my first ultrasound and got to take home 4 pictures. As my lovely Doc said, "At this stage they look like little snowmen with tiny arms and legs" so the pictures are hard to make out if you weren't there or if you aren't an OB/GYN. But seeing that gorgeous little baby waving it's arms and legs, seeing the tiny heart beating and knowing that at this point I have a perfectly developing little one makes quite a birthday present. Today I have already started to celebrate being alive, which I am very, very thankful for.

Little DumplingDumpling's upside down, hence the upside down photo of the ultrasound. You can make out the little face, arm nubs and tiny legs! At least I can...

Soon we will go on a long walk in the park. We may go to the outlet mall so I can browse around, then grab a Jamba Juice creation to sip and share with Wilder. I plan on having a little tea party and starting a new P.D. James book. I'm making dinner for a friend who just delivered a beautiful baby girl on June 30th, and I will create a lovely fruit salad in lieu of a birthday cake (since I'm still going sugar free and wheat free,) eating it while watching a girly movie tonight after Wilder goes to bed. So far, I'm loving my special day!

This year I want to share with my loved ones how thankful I am for all they have invested in me. Really, birthdays are just another opportunity for a Mother's Day. We should each send our mom's a thank you card when our special day rolls around and say, "You are worth a million roses, a diamond crown and a luxury trip around the world." Mom, that's how I feel. And Brian, how thankful I am to have been given the gift of being your wife, of being so loved by you and having the man who is beyond my wildest dreams to share life with. And Wilder, oh Wilder. My heart bursts with gratitude to God for letting me be your mommy. How many, many gifts I have, and the greatest of these is Love. Thank you, God, for giving me the chance every day to choose You and be blessed 1,000 fold by Your grace, mercy and love.

I don't need to go out and spend a bunch of money on myself to prove I'm worth it; I already know I am. I don't need a pony ride and fireworks, a surprise party, a visit from BoBo the Clown, or a trip to a day spa (though wouldn't THAT be nice.) I'm thankful for this gift of life and all the others which have blessed me beyond measure every day of my 29 years. I love you and am so thankful.